Girls Choosing Their Boyfriends

Suraya walked down the stairs carrying her small shopvac and the still wet but empty bucket she’d used to clean on hands and knees the bathroom tiles in room D, 3^rd floor in the Alzheimer’s wing. Mr. Steve, who on some days used to be funny, even when he needed help making his remote control ‘machine’ function properly, had slipped and fallen while trying unsuccessfully to be who he once was. He’d been badly hurt and was crying when his nurse found him. Gone now, Suraya thought, knowing she’d probably never be able to say goodbye.

As she passed the employee break room with its door ajar, she could hear a television which was showing a Star Trek rerun. Mr. Spock was saying something about being transported back to a time period before Vulcans had become civilized and logical; he had, in that episode, become a kind of Vulcan psychological Neanderthal. She remembered the mad crush she had as a girl on Mr. Spock. Her girlfriend, Laura, always loved Captain Kirk. But that was fine with Suraya because then she didn't have to justify choosing Spock over Kirk. Laura believed that she’d settled for being Mr. Spock’s girlfriend because she was such a good best friend. But Suraya would defend Spock against Laura's attacks on his lack of emotion.

"He's half human. He has emotions, intense emotions; he just believes that it's logical to keep them hidden. You know, he only has to touch you and he can read your mind...know what you want," she would say in an exasperated voice.

Laura would respond teasingly, "And what exactly is it that you want from him?" Laura and Suraya would laugh; and sometimes Laura would grab her pillow and kiss it saying, "Before the ship breaks up Jim, give me one more kiss."

Suraya tried to forget about Mr. Steve and imagined for a moment that Spock was not just a television character but was a real person. He was so sensitive and so psychologically superior that he would hear the voices with which she filled her head when a patient got hurt or died. She imagined they would sit in her tiny apartment on her bed in darkness the way she and her mother used to sit and discuss the tales they had heard about other, more exotic places. The only light that would creep into the room was that of the headlights from the cars that passed on the road below. Then Spock could tell her stories he’d heard from other planets.

As she reached the utility room, her mind drifted back into reality and she remembered Aaron, her old boyfriend, who’d told her stories about the Asian countries and the navy bases where he’d spent his childhood and teen years. His hands were always rough but his touch was very soft and coaxing like river water that ushers you gently toward the ocean. His kisses, too, were soft at first as though he was never sure he had the right to wish for them. She remembered the night in July when after they’d watched the fireworks over the old battlefield, they drove down to the bay and swam out very far in the still cool water from the North Atlantic. Suraya believed she could have gone farther, maybe even halfway to Europe and not drown...that's how good it felt to be loved again. But Aaron, practical and physical as he was, knew just how far they should swim and how soon they should turn around and move back into shallow water. And Suraya later discovered that his affection was as measured as that evening swim. She wondered what Aaron was doing at that precise moment but knew he was probably rebuilding a transmission or replacing a u-joint. He was busy diagnosing some engine problem or carefully writing up a bill for parts and labor. She wondered if he ever drove by the old battlefield and thought about their temporary life together. With what did he fill his head?